When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
