we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
