Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
