i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
