Where did you get a picture of my penis
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
