The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
