worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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