Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
