Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
