if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone came in the potted fern
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
