youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
