Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
