tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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