So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
