So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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