i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You're like the curious george of whores
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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