haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
