yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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