wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
