What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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