just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
