I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
