I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think a kid would responsible me up
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
