i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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