If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize