I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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