I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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