I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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