I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
