Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
