I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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