I will die if light touches me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
