had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Damn victory sex feels great
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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