I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
