Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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