I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
