how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Couch. On fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
