I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
