the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
