She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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