thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
