She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
