Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone signed my nipple.
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