I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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