You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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