I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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