Soap is not a condiment
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
