and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
