I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
