SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
