guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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