I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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