you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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