well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
