so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
