I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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