I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I am morally bankrupt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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