apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
