Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
